The purpose of this section is to help you understand
alternatives that are available for families facing divorce and related
conflicts. Most of it will focus on alternatives that help you avoid
court.
The divorce process is, essentially, one of attempting
to reach an agreement with your spouse. Approximately 98 percent of
all divorces end in some type of agreement. The remaining cases go on
to a full trial and perhaps then on to appeals and post-dissolution
proceedings.
This is not to say that only two percent of all cases
go to court. Indeed, nearly half of all dissolution cases end up in
a court of some kind, usually in motion
hearings or pre-trial
conferences. While these cases settle, the settlement often
comes at the end of much expensive conflict. Therefore, the issue is
not necessarily whether you will settle (as almost all cases do), but
whether you can find a way to settle before the process becomes adversarial.
Adversarial proceedings are expensive and time consuming.
They often cause significant damage to families, particularly to children.
Moreover, contrary to popular belief, going to court almost always produces
results far inferior to what settlement could produce - even for the
"winning" party.
This section outlines non-adversarial
or low-conflict
alternatives, in the hope of helping you make good choices about which
method makes the most sense for you. Various terms apply to these alternatives,
including "non-adversarial" methods, "low-conflict methods"
and "alternate dispute resolution" (known in the legal community
as "ADR"). Each term describes methods that allow you to resolve
your dispute without going to court and without using more traditional
adversarial or "high-conflict" methods. These alternate
methods are designed to allow you and your spouse to control what happens
to your family rather than letting strangers make those decisions.
Many new dispute resolution methods have developed during
the past few years - virtually eliminating the need to resolve family
disputes in court. The section labeled "Alternate Methods"
describes the different alternatives available in our community. It
can help you determine which method is best for you by explaining the
general advantages that these alternatives have over more adversarial
proceedings.
Despite the availability of these alternatives, our courtrooms
are still crowded with couples who find themselves in court without
really understanding why. Most, by far, come to court without fully
considering or understanding their options. Court is the default
alternative, which means that it will occur unless one seeks
and finds a better option. In this way, divorce is like a slow moving
train heading toward a cliff. Although everyone sees the cliff, and
everyone agrees that it should be avoided, the train will reach the
cliff unless someone does something about it.
The primary goal of this section is to show alternate
methods that are available which allow you and your spouse to resolve
divorce issues in a manner that serves the best interests of your
family.
Almost all professionals who work with divorcing families
know that low-conflict alternatives are better for families. Nevertheless,
divorcing couples often find it difficult to abandon the urge to approach
divorce in an adversarial way. They want to believe they can resolve
disputes out of court, but resist directing the professionals they hire
to seek low-conflict alternative methods.
For an explanation of why alternate options may
work better for you, please click on the highlighted why
choose an alternative method link. If you are already convinced
you should avoid court, please click on the available
alternatives link to help find the best alternative for your situation.
