Many people are available to support you in efforts to
keep your marriage intact. Often, when couples are in conflict, emotions
may over-ride judgment. Defensiveness, confusion and frustration may
keep couples stuck in a repeating pattern of conflict, blind to solutions
that can help. Processing your issues with a third party may bring new
perspectives that allow couples to reach agreement that can lead to
solutions for conflict. If you are interested in saving your marriage,
make that clear to the professionals whose help you solicit. Ask for
support and solutions.
Each individual must be honest and responsible for their
feelings in order to bring true resolution to conflict. You are the
one best equipped to determine your capacity to work through identified
issues. Remember, in the end, the judgment and decisions made regarding
your marriage belong to you.
Friends and relatives can offer much needed emotional
support. Keep in mind however, that their life experiences, the state
of their marriage, and the feelings they may have about your spouse
and you may complicate matters and color any advice they give. It is
natural for family and friends to have a bias toward the partner with
whom they are closest. Be aware, that this can set up alliances that
may feel threatening to the other partner. Be cautious when seeking
advice, and think how they would feel to choose a course of action different
from what family or friends may recommend.
Your close friends and relatives will most likely know
you and your situation better than anyone. You can use them as a support
system. Family and friends want to help. They want to see you happy.
If your intent is to work at keeping your marriage and family together,
make this clear to them. That way, they will know the direction in which
to support you. It may be helpful to temporarily stay away from those
family and friends who express excessive hostility or negativity toward
your spouse. This may be their effort to show support for you however,
your main focus must be on the relationship and the resolution of the
issues causing conflict.
Clergy members can offer emotional support, spiritual
guidance and possibly referral to other types of counselors. Members
of religious affiliations are a source of spiritual support. They may
share insights from religious doctrine, listen without being judgmental
and assist a person in moving through life's passages. Most clergy members
have training in theology and pastoral ministries. Some, however, also
have training in individual or marital counseling. They can offer not
only emotional support, but spiritual inspiration that often binds a
couple together, allowing them to weather times of conflict and crisis.
Professional Help:
In addition to the help you can receive from friends, family and clergy,
there are many professionals that can provide valuable assistance in
saving marriages. The next section will help you understand what each
type of professional can do to help you.
